Cleaning out my life

I used to think when I was 19 years old, that at some point good things would happen. I would automatically be married, find a fabulous job, fall into a red BMW and live on top of NYC. While some things are indeed FABULOUS, some things in my old age are not quite what they seem.
For example:

• fat free yougurt is gross
• flat shoes are much more comfortable than heels
• I would rather not get a manicure
• Cigarettes are bad for you
• Cute male celebrities I had a crush on in my teens are now playing fathers in shitty TV shows
• Bruce Willis is Bald, and Moonlighting is over
• I thought my apartment at this point in my life would certainly have a terrace
• I still do not know why they take taxes out of my checks
• I actually get excited about cleaning and TARGET---gross

A bit of information for all of you

A jumper is a garment that you pull over your head, it has no buttons and is like a T-shirt but with longer arms and thicker

Thank you