A few notes for today

• Green peas should never protray themselves as the cousin to corn. YOU DO NOT BELONG
• Fake Christmas trees look MUCH better on February 28th than December 28th
• I love cupcakes
• Blood is thicker than water
• Hugs are natures way of telling us we are human
• Democracy was created by a natural leader
• Soilent Green is people
• Eating healthy and working out by no means ensures you will lose weight

Joke of the Day--Thought I would share!

Sex Therapy - Florida Style


A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"
The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says goodbye.
The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.
Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?"
The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare...!

Values

So my company is trying to throw values down our throat now--circa GE's 10 commandments for slaving. The entire thing is a bunch of garbage. The only value here is to make as much money for the partners as possible. VALUES? What values? I have had the opportunity to work with most RUDE, MANIPULATIVE, SLUGs I have ever met in my life. In real life I wouldnt let these people wash my panties.

I also found the Mensa really took it up a notch when I actually read this so called "values" apparently, "intelligence" is now a value--so is "insightful"

I have values--one is insightful. I can see the bus coming at me before it runs over my face.
Imbeciles.

Commercials

I love commercials and their jingles.
McDonalds. Ronald and you.

Geez I love McDonalds french fries
I love them more than Oscar


Sometimes my dreams are like commercials

ME-OW

Mad props to my gal Korin and Local News 6 for bringing me this FABULOUS story.
QOTD: WHAT is WRONG with PEOPLE?

You've abandoned me

Love don't live here anymore........

Jeez, it's hard to blog while you are traveling. People look at you like you have some sort of sick, virtual addicition. As if you become violent after not speaking with your imaginary friend.
E-GAADS.

Anywho, I was trying to think of my all-time, favorite song, and unlike movies, or TV show favs, favorite song is really hard.

Like my favorite show is definately Law and Order.
My favorite movie--thought there is many of them is probably Moonstruck, close second Beaches.
My favorite song--I mean it's too damn hard. My favorite childhood song is: The Sun will Come Out Tomorrow and You are my Sunshine
My Favorite 80s song--anything by Depeche Mode and Madonna and Pat Benatar
90s---Anything I sang at my reliable college bar
BUT ALL TIME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!

How does one respond to such a thing?

Cheaters BEWARE

My wedding planning chatroom (that I am most obsessed with) posted this website that I thought many of you would get a kick out of. Its called http://www.dontdatehimgirl.com
and it allows women to post pictures and FULL names of their husbands, boyfriends, partners who have cheated on them. Part of me was like GOOOOOOOOOOO Women Power, but the other half of me thought this site is hilarious, especially since the posting was anonymous.

From the website: DontDateHimGirl.com is changing the way women date! Browse our search engine of cheating men right now! This controversial site has been featured on MSNBC, the Today Show, ABC News and Entertainment Tonight! Finally, a way for women to check a guy out BEFORE dating, marrying or otherwise committing to him! Warn other women about the men who have cheated on you! Register and become a member today! You'll receive our free newsletter and other valuable goodies just for women! It's fast, easy and best of all, it's free!


Just goes to show you once again: Boys, don't EVER mess with us. We will hunt you down, take your picture and then destroy you for all the virtual world to see.

When is it okay

to talk freely about 9/11
When are we, the people of NY, sick of this ongoing discussion?
Isn't it too soon to have 5 motion pictures about that Day coming out in the next year?
Isn't the section in Barnes and Noble enough?

Is it okay that I want to see these movies or that it may make me sick? If a loved one died in an accident, would it get any better if the entire world talked about it DAY after DAY?

Have we created a market around 9/11?

Oscar's first Blizzard

WAHOO

Marriage Humor

A man, his wife, and mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00."The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.The undertaker asked,

"Why?" Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to spend only$150.00?"

The man said, "A man died here 2000 years ago, he was buried here and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

A Table for One can be Fun!

RANT: I need to win the lotto--FAST

If you know anything about me, you know I tend to become easily obsessed with a project, or thing, or activity or website, etc. So planning a wedding was really an EXCELLENT way for me to go clinical. So many logistics take over your life, simple decisions that in otherwise everyday would take minutes, now in wedding-mode can take months.
I speak to so many brides who LOVE to plan their wedding--me, I DO NOT LOVE IT. I want to be married already and be on a beach kissing and drinking in celebration.

For example: I love to go on vacation, I love to go and research hotels (My absolute favorite thing) and book a holiday and get a super deal and move along. Planning my honeymoon, which the wedding industry presents as "My most important vacation ever" has made me a little fanatical. All I do is go to websites, looking, searching, researching, dwelling on places in Hawaii for Jim and I to go. I have 6 travel agents on call waiting to book my "dream" vacation. I look and relook at these hotels and islands. Finalizing my decision and then changing it. I wake up dreaming about these logistics......
Tripadvisor.com, Travel and Leisure, Expedia, Hilton, Fairmont, Hyatt, Sheraton have now replaced craigslist, Liweddings, bored.com, snopes.com, weightwatchers, new yorker.com careerbuilder.com----EVERYTHING

Bottom line is this is a rant. I do not want to spend $10K on my 2-week vacation. Its ubsurd, its unfair and its cruel. And I wont do it.
If you are sleeping with a travel agent, please give him my number.
thank you

You Have No Idea

How much I hate mushrooms. I think culinary shops need to have a sign up when they decide to throw mushrooms in dishes where mushrooms don't live and/or have never resided before.

Here I am, woman of health, trying to be healthful--I go and pick up a small lentil soup at an organic place off of Wall St. So excited about my delicious treat (I LOVE lentil soup), I come back to my shitty job, and open the steamy delicious cup. What is swimming in my soup?

FUNGUS!

Mushrooms don't belong in my soup.
Mushrooms are gross
They are slimey
I hate them

Now I have a cold cup of gross mush mushrooms.

Greece Lightening

Love of my life, reason for living (no, not Oscar)
is currently flying the friendly skies and heading for Athens on business. Needless to sayI am very sad and miss him dearly. Like really sad; I am officially a geek.

I had a dream last night I was on the shores of California with Jimmy Joe and I was looking at the ocean and felt really scared bc I thought I was going to fall off the earth. And in my head (during the dream) I kept thinking to myself "this doesn't look ANYTHING like what Caroline and Mike described.....) We were also with a tour guide who was trying to explain to us unknown facts about the Pacific, but I kept looking toward the weird waters and feeling completely disorientated. What the hell do you think this means? The only thing that may be a connector is that I left Nick at Nite on for Oscar and woke up from the dream listening to the theme song from Full House. Here's one possible dream breakdown:

Full House=San Fran=California=Meth addict kid star=feeling disorientated in California Dream=Uncle Jesse Katsopolis=Greek ethnicty=Athens=That's where Jim is!!!!!!!

Huh? I have officially lost my mind.....

You know what I miss????

I miss being 17, weighing 119 and going to McDonalds during study hall; ordering a number 2 with a coke. And NEVER gaining an ounce.
That's it

Munich

I thought this movie was horrible. I understand that in any movie where the objective is to rebuild a sequence of actual events that there will be definite sides the producer and the camera are going to drift toward. Um....
While it was important to revisit the terrible time during the Olympics where the Isreali swimming(I think) team was killed by a radical group of young Palestinians, I do think we should have received some history as to what brought us to this event. We see none of this. The movie is so violent and its entire focus is the the retaliation and death of the Palestinian group. 3 hours of shooting made me want to slit my wrists(sorry)
I just didn't leave the theatre with an even basic understanding of what had happened during this time. I just was too sad and really dare I say, bored from the entire picture. Violence and boredom.

Pump you up!

Today begins actual, physical workout.
Operation White Bikini

Fiance and I are deciding on Maui and Kauai for our October honeymoon, so that means I must get into the groove of burning the midnight oil.
I have work friends encouraging me (READ: dragging me) to the gym 2 nights a week and I am hoping I will be brave enough to hit the machines once per weekend.
Wish me luck, I am sure going to need it.

Nancy and Jim--THE ALBUM

Time Life is selling for $19.95 includes shipping and handling. No CODs please.

JUST FOR LAUGHS

An airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle andannounced to the passengers, "Captain Marvin has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super." On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed rather luxurious looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am a Princess. I take orders from no one." To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm a Queen, so I outrank you.

"Tray up, bitch!"

Super Boring Sunday

What the hell happened to mad kewl commercials? Where the hell is that WOW factor, we wait for every year? Where is the millions of dollars for creative thought and execution? I am MAD!!!!!!!!! I looked forward to America's favorite past-time (Capitalism) for years during the hokey football champtionships. I want my MTV! I want my brain turned into vommit. Come ON.....

WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD COMMERICALS, DAMMIT?!?!?!?!?!

• The darling bottles of bud playing football
• Singing frogs
• some bee-otch catching fritos
• DOT COMS
• that sock dog?!?!?!

I am disgusted that another year will pass with another round of shitty super bowl commericals. Whats a gurl to do, watch the game?????????

No Butts About it

My Quit Date is: Friday, April 01, 2005 at 12:00:00 AM
Time Smoke-Free: 306 days, 10 hours, 55 minutes and 33 seconds
Cigarettes NOT smoked: 6129
Lifetime Saved: 1 month, 16 days, 19 hours
Money Saved: $2,448.00

Hello Ol' Friend

How I miss you on my lips
Your existence so cheesy and delectable
How your crust is so divine
Oh when oh when will you be mine?
Your smell is witty, your look so pretty

I miss the way you fold so nice and happy

goodbye love