One Thing Starts Another

My good ol' pal Victoria emails me this photo of a miraculous tool and it sparked great dreams and hopes for me.

I decided I should open up a salon. I am going to call said salon In My Pajamas

InMy Pajamas is a nail salon and well-being center that thrives on being the UN-SPA. Tired of pretenious snob bitches giving you the look over when you are in a salon? Do you ever feel more stressed at these well-to-do overpriced places when all you wanted to do was relax? Does the final bill at the spa give you agita? Well then my salon is the place for you!!!


In My Pajamas (or as Time Out and New York Magazine will soon call it, PJs) is a place where REAL women can get together to Relax. Come as you are, it's a slumber party-open 6 days a week!!!!

Green tea and Alpha Hy-kill-yourself not your thing; good-- we serve Snapple
While we serve wine, we also serve Bud Light
Our staff is courtious and attentive, why? Because they are hot gay men!

In my PJs is a place where women can be themselves, sans the snob bitches and white robes.
Oh yes, we also sell underoos!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wahoo

HUH?

• Buy a house
• Drive a SAAB convertible
• Never copme back to this hole I call my job
• Eat sushi and lobster every night
• Get lipo
• Go on the sickest trip with all of my friends
• Pay off all of my friends college loans
• Scream in joy
• Hire Oscar a massuese
• Have my feeting soaking in hot cocoa all day everyday
• Sleep
• Never ever ever ever wear a suit
• Hire a wedding planner
• Start my own wedding company (no suits required)
• Only wear the best shoes
• Smile, a lot

Tony, poop or get off the pot here!

I mean really, what is Sopranos trying to prove with this Terry Schiavo plot they have going on here. The entire family is falling apart, Tony is completely out of it, and if I see ONE MORE dream sequence it's all over, though it was nice to see Cousin Tony last night. I mean comeo on!!! WE can already see some family members going to the other side, and that hurts.
Carm isn't going to take that kind of abuse. Nancy Gurl isn't going to tolarate it either.

On my other new sunday night program, Bill Paxton kept hi spants on this week, but the history of polygamy is something scary. Old men married to 12 year olds?!?!?!?! Gross me Amadeus.

Something for you!

As I mature

My pal, Alex (PANTS!) sent this to me. Found it cute and thought I would share.

As I mature I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big boob. (or a nice one. Okay, I altered this a bit)

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

One I would like to add:
I have learned that no matter how much I try, my father just won't spot me the cash to open up my own pork store.

Dude, What's the Deal?!!?!?!?!

Last night Jim and I watch NBC's new BS--Deal or No Deal. Apparently we live under a rock bc this new gameshow is the "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" of NBC. We had seen snipits of the show in passing and really didn't understand the rules.

Then we watched in FULL last night. The show is retarded--it was made for morons.
Here's the scoop for those of you who also live under rocks: Contestants stand in front of 30 or so babe-a-licious women--each holding a briefcase. The contestant inititally chooses a briefcase of his own and through proccess of elimination opens all the remaining to see how much money he could....NEVERMIND THE SHOW IS WAY TOO CONFUSING.
It's premise is a barter. The show offers large pools of money in exchange for the contents in the unknown briefcase (could be a penny, could be a million dollars) Point is, if someone was offering me $28,000 I would take it and run.

The stupidity of this show could only be magnified by it's host, Howie Mandell. KILL yourself Howie. You are the bald man's exception to the rule: you do not look cool or sexy with a bic'd head. Your career consists of playing a human raised by wolves and now hosting this train wreck of a show. Drown yourself.

I HATE MY JOB

I hate it
It makes me cry. I am trying to understand why I am being tortured to work here. Why I cannot find one god-damn job for the life of me. Am I this fucking stupid? Am I really that unintelligent that not one job I can go and secure and move on from this place? This job makes me so furious, I want to scream and cry. I envy everyone who loves what they do. I would quit in a minute if I could. I would waitress full time.
I HATE THIS JOB

I stole this from Coodence.blogspot.com

Since a client told me on a call today that I was both territorial and threatening I may no longer have a job tomorrow. Nice, right?

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 24 and find line 5.
"delicious" seafood recommended this "tried and true" Atlantic City institution.
Its a ZAGAT

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, what do you find?
My office phone

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
See the post below. God damn, Bill Paxton you bastard.

4. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
My boss

5. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Telling my cousin that a client told me I was threatening them

6. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
My boob?

7. What are you wearing?
A $19.99 shirt from H&M, shoes with no socks!

8. Did you dream last night?
Didn't

9. When did you last laugh?
When I was reading the bio of the lead actress in a broadway show I am promoting, last acting performance was "the unauthorized biography of Three's Company"
I SWEAR TO GOD

10. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
I work in glass

11. Seen anything weird lately?
Fat guy in a little coat

12. What do you think of this quiz?
I love surveys

13. What is the last film you saw?
Cinderella Man---blah

14. If you turned a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
My boss' ass

15. Tell me something about you that I don't know.
I am considered a smelly person

16. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt and politics, what would you do?
Get rid of AIDS

17. Do you like to Dance?
Everywhere

18. George Bush.
Is an imbecile

19. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Mini me

20. Imagine your boyfriend is making sweet love to his Xbox 360, what would you do?
My fiance hates video games, but I watched my ol roomate Bobes play for 3 years

21. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Nope

22. What would you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
Have a smoke! You deserve it!

Bill Paxton, no one needs to see your TITANIC ass!!!!

Last night, Jim and I attempted watched HBOs BIG LOVE, immediately following the Sopranos (which btw is killing me softly with the Jetto-mind games). In case you were smart enough to change the channel after Tony's big playing dead hour, Big Love is HBOs new series about a modern day polygamy family and how some guy named Bill has to deal with raising and maintaining 3 families under one compound, I mean roof. But the show isn't really about that. It's about 3 wives who are jealous of one another. It's about 3 wives who schedule sex with their husband and then fight about it when the agenda fails them. It's about marriage taking place among four people and 3 bedrooms. It's about seeing Bill Paxton's ass all over my televison screen for 48 minutes.

I am not going to stand on my soapbox today and blog about the purity and sacred--ness of marriage. I am not. I believe that marriage is the union of two people--male/female, female/ female, male/male, but TWO people. So I stood on the soapbox....

What I am going to say is that this show is gross. No one needs to see Bill Paxton--a C class actor at best, in bed every five seconds with one of his wives. In one scene he gets caught doing wifey-1 by one of his children from wifey-2. Paxton's career is a Twister in an of itself. He is the other guy in every movie he has ever been in. You finally give this man a leading role and you pick a naked one at that?!?!?!?!!?

I mean if you wanted to create a soft porn show and surround it with a mediocre storyline than you should have been auditioning asses not actors, since that's all I was going to see.

I mean really, it's gross.

Of course it is

Jesus.com

I think it's hilarious that catholicism has picked up its surfboard and is now riding the information highway. Religion online, it the most pathetic thing I have ever seen in my life.

Virtual Jesus is an an oxymoron.
Selling religion is even more ridiulous.
I have one friend who collects Mary and Jesus paraphernalia and I think that is the best and funniest thing I have ever heard. Nightlights, car fresheners, you name it.

Going forward, I think after I rant and rave on this blog, I am going to have a pay pal link where you can donate some cash. Similar to the basket that gets passed around on sundays by older men in blue suits who smell like Aqua Velva.

Home is where my boob is....

that's
all
for
now

Meetings about the meetings....

I went to the AGENDA Expo Conference today in NY's Marriott Marquis--heart of Times Square. 300 event planners all chilling and learning from one another, which is EXCELLENT!!!!!
It just reinforced that I need to step life up a notch and move it along on the dream boat. Get my ass in gear and start my own company.
If you have $550,000, I can borrow, I will make you partner
Scout's honor

I'm in Love! I'm in Love and I Don't Care Who Knows it!!!!!!

Last night Jim and I got together with our good pals Coodence (coodence.blogspot.com) and her delicious hubby and watched the BEST first episode in the history of televison. Hold America by their toes for 22 months, the first hour of Sopranos was fantabulous. While I was a little like, WTF about some of it, the last 10 minutes were magical.

Someone is already dead AND someone is already shot!!!!!!

Is he or isn't he-- that is the water cooler talk going on in every boring office across this country.

I miss Ade, and it will be difficult to watch without her, but my pals last night called it perfectly--we will still see her in our dreams.

This morning's news questioned whether or not the North Caldwell family could still hold our attention with the induction of shows like Desperate Housewives. I personally don't watch that retarded 'Sex in the Suburbs' garb and I think the return of Anthony may in fact be the death of it.

See you next time.

My "Culture" My "People"

Unlike most early generation Americans, I didn't really think Italians had a 'Culture Culture' like Asian Americans, South Asian Americans or first generation Americans. Italian Americans are typically associated with the food they obsess over or The Sopranos/John Gotti and the Untouchables. I used to hate watching The Sopranos bc it reinforced negative stereotypes. And it never stops driving me crazy just how many similarites my family has to the that 'other' family in North Caldwell, NJ. I come from a family where my elders have worked hard their entire lives. I am now unsure where the stereotype begins and ends. As I now introduce my soon-to-be-husband into the trials and tribulations of being apart of my family, my culture to me has become more important than it ever has, as I show him things I thought everyone knew!!!

I had found some interesting information I wanted to share. I know you will enjoy as well. I also ammended it a bit so it could better reflect my family.

Here goes:
Let's start at the beginning. Come stai? Molto bene. Bueno Norto. Many Italian immigrants know these words and many Italian-Americans should be able to recognize them. But what about the Italian-American speech pattern? These words and phrases (that I grew up with) are a little Italian, a little American, and a little slang. Words every paesano and Bacciagaloop has heard,-words we hear on The Sopranos and throughout our neighborhoods of New York (New York ; meaning Queens, Brooklyn the Bronx and Staten Island, NEVER Manhattan).

This language, the "American-Italiano" has been used for generations. It's not "gangster" slang terms like "whack" or "vig", if that's what you are thinking.

Sometimes we say Mama Mia. Mannaggia. Dad uses a mopeen to wipe his hands in the the kitchen and gets agita from the Sauce (GRAVY to the NJ gang) When Mom drains the pasta we use a Skoolabast and we never serve pasta with a ladle, we serve it with a Gupina. A crazy Aunt can give you the malokya (the evil eye or the horns), but that red horn (contra malokya) will protect you if you use it right. If you are feeling mooshadda, always head to my Mom's and she will fix you up a quick maninad (marinara to you) with cavadeel (cavatelli) or some sausage and peppers. For dessert we don't EVER eat zeppoles (we eat them only in the summer at the FEAST; your Carnival or Fair), we do have tartufo, shfoolyadell', pignoli cookies, or an espresso with a little Marie Bizzard Annisette.

Sunday Snack you want? My dad will fix you some proshoot and mozarell' and some hot peppers or when I was a little girl my grampa would bring us a "well done pie" and we would have a hot slice of a'beetz (Pizza to the rest of you) and talk about going to the park..............

And the wine, please never forget wine. Carafs or big gallons, red if you please!
Rub some on the baby's gums--"It's good for her!" So salud ' and beech en don and if you have any Italian in you then some of this didn't totally freak you out!


I found some of this on the Internet and customized most of it to my own family. Makes me smile.

Busy Signal

I think lately, that's the best way to describe how I am feeling. It's like I am always FRANTICALLY trying to get things accomplished (tasks, life, goals, etc) and I become so entrenched in attaining these goals/tasks/things that I keep myself up at night, straight up, worrying and never once patting myself on the back when things do actually go right.

Jim and I finally booked our honeymoon. I vacation, that honestly, neither one of us have ever had a chance to take. 2 full weeks in Hawaii, on gorgeous islands and in sick hotels. Just him and I (sorry Osc). I should be more excited about this than anything in the world and then I think--How can I go to Hawaii with all of this weight on my body? How are my arms going to look in that wedding dress? Will people have a good time at our wedding and if they don't will our honeymoon be shadowed by my disappointment?

Me who used to be the CHILLEST person I know, has become a frantic bride!!! I should be basking in engagment-hood, but yet I find myself worrying about crossing things off life's endless list.
I have no right to have a "whoa is me" attitude, I marrying the love of my life, living in the greatest city in the world, having the best possible people around me that I can call my friends.
Right?

As I race to make another call on my Thursday's To-do list (can it be March already?) I am prevented by another busy signal. Maybe that signal is me.

It's Amazing

I have to admit, after my short hiatus with Amazing Race (they went all Double Dare family on me), I am happy to say, Welcome Home Old Friend!!!!! I watched the 2nd episode of season 9 last night and boy was it terrific.

First off, Phil could possibly be the best man I have ever seen. I need to be just as chill as he is--nothing makes this man mad.
He is so much more legit than most hosts. He is completely unbias and I love that he doesn't lead anyone to believe they are safe from being "the last team to arrive."

Second, TAR is still edge of your seat good, and addictive without all the major drama that SOME other shows solely rely on. Yes, there can be controvesy during the actual race between teams, but overall most of their ish is edited---and I say Amen to that.

Man oh Man. Last night, two complaining oldies came in last. I felt bad, but I am root tooting for both the older married couple. And Bj and Tyler, two cool dudes that came in first last night. They are hilarious!!!!!!

Well, you can still get in the game. Come watch Next Tuesday night at 10pm
http://www.cbs.com/primetime/amazing_race9/

P.S. Phil has a blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who are you wearing?

Smoking kills people
So do BOTOX

"Who are you wearing?"

What ever happened to

• Mr. McFeeley
• Uncle Ben
• Freezie Freakies
• Dips
• Patent Leather shoes
• The Mets
• Scratch and Sniff stickers
• Cartoon underwear
• Lambchop
• The mishaps of Corduroy
• Tassles on bikes (and bras)
• Answering machines
• Tubes
• Safety pins on shoelaces
• Roadtrips
• Aqua Net
• Stovetop popcorn
• Fun with tape
• That Indescribable Feeling of the last day of school

Apparently Spelling is an ISSUE

So I can't spell, that's what they tell me. I stink at spelling, and I hurt others when I do not write clearly. I mean it's unfair for others to have to deal with my apathetic writing behavior.
So to those I have pissed off, I apologize. On top of losing weight, saving money, planning a wedding, working in NYC, feeding my dog and kissing my fiance---correct blog spelling is TOP of my list.

--Love Nancy

Self portrait

"Dancing On The Ceiling"
What is happening here? Something is going on
That's not quite clear
Somebody turn on the light
We're gonna have a party
It's starting tonight
Oh, what a feeling!
When we're dancing on the ceiling

What's really happening in this picture is that I thought this girl at the bar (photo right) was unusual looking (FUGLY) and I needed a photo to confirm my thoughts.

This is what we call "a stand-in" shot.

Steak it baby!

Last night was my darling, lil brother's 22nd birthday. That, my friend, makes me old.

Slice it, dice it, put it in your pipe and smoke it. I am old. Not youthful, old. And let me tell you.
Old STINKS.
We went to the she-she restaurant in the meatpacking, Old Homestead. Now, as a steak lover, I was supreme, giddy up. I love steak and this place is supposed to be TOP NOTCH.

My review: hated it. Why? Because their niche is to char-burn the outside of my meat treat and then tempetature the inside to your liking. I hate burnt anything except popcorn.

Plus, and stop me if you have hard this one, but they didn't "fully" clean our table after the meal. Now, I am going to get all bitchy here but at $40 a steak, I want you, yes you, to come to my table with the "crumber". I dont want to see little onion and potato carauss on the table. And when I complained about it, they still did nothing. I am sorry but thats not good service.

Ask waiter rant waiterrant.blogspot.com and he will certainly agree with me.

that's all for now